BMT - 5

Haem: 107

White: 4.1

Platelets: 130

Neut: 3.8

Weight: 63.7kg

So with less fluids being pumped into me, weight has settled back down a little, which I am happier with. Other numbers essentially which is exactly what they are expecting at this stage.

Busulfan has been upped in dose as they have adjusted it and along with this comes the nausea. I was doing really well today until about 2.00pm, when I felt my chicken wrap that Anth had made me maybe I had eaten a bit too fast, and chatting to my cousin whilst eating it. (thank you for the visit, it was lovely to see you and catch up). However, ended up asleep most of the afternoon feeling a bit off, until I finally had to ask for some extra anti-nausea medication.

I don't like to take pill at the best of times, but I will say the previous hospital chemo experience has taught me to ask for anti-nausea medication ASAP because once you start feeling off, it is really hard to get on top of it.

So nothing for dinner tonight except a few rice crackers but they seemed to go down OK.

So 5 days in already with the chemo regime - and another 4 to go before day 0 and the transplant.

The busulfan continues until -3 day and then another drug for the last 2 days before my system is apparently wiped out.

I hear that the temperatures outside are hot - but it is like another world in here, although I do have a fan running at the moment. I am off my hormone tablets (post hysterectomy last year) so get night sweats and hot flashes, so spend the days and nights throwing blankets off, pulling them on etc!

Today is my youngests 14th birthday and I am very sad that I am not there to celebrate it with her and be there for her. I've always loved organising birthdays and parties and wish I could do something to make this one more special for her. I also spoke to my eldest daughter last night and it broke my heart that I couldn't be there to help her with some stuff she is going through. As a parent of teenagers locked in a room, it makes this very hard, and although I aim to stay as positive as possible throughout this whole journey, there are times when you feel it's not fair, and that life is passing you by, and you are missing out on too many things. Of course, it's Xmas time, and I love getting ready for Xmas. I love cooking, wrapping and generally getting the house ready for Christmas. This year there was no tree, no cooking, very few presents and no family Christmas party - but let's aim for Christmas in July next year and try and get everyone together then!

One day at a time, and hopefully the next 4 days don't get any more eventful than today - just close my eyes and get plenty of sleep!