Day 25: catch up needed

Saturday

WCC: 0.1 (Fri: 0.2, Thurs 0.3)

Neut: 0.0 (every day)

Hb: 71 (Fri: 78, Thurs 80)

Platelets: 21 (Fri 40, Thurs 13)

Weight: 60.5kg, (Fri 62.3kg, Thurs 61.5)

So, haven't been able to post for the last 2 nights as I have been totally wiped out with temperature spikes.

What does this mean? It means I start with shivers and shakes and so cold it's like nothing can warm me up. I get under about 4 blankets and just lay there trying to meditate to understand I am cold, but to try and reduce the shivering and shaking. Often I fall asleep. Then 30 - 60 min later, wake up, toasty warm, but still not wanting to move - not feeling like I can move. Temperature reaching 38, 39 degrees. Blood cultures taken. Panadol given and I doze off again only to wake up with the temperature coming down, but now I am dripping with sweat and kicking everything off. Then I feel OK for a little while and the cycle starts again. That is a very simplified version of what it has been for me 24/7 since Thursday morning.

When I woke on Thursday morning, I felt perfectly well. I ate breakfast etc and then had a shower. After the shower I just felt the need to sit down as I moisturised my legs, which is the first time I had to do that. After that I sat on the bed and flopped back thinking I was feeling a bit off, but said to myself 'come on, get up and do your mouthwashes' so did them and then sat in the chair, where I shivered and shook for a while. Of course the call button was on the other side of the room. I sat there curled up, looking at the bed, thinking - just get up and climb in, but it was like I couldn't move. The nurse came in and saw me and I told her I wasn't feeling great and she grabbed me a heated blanket. I sat under that and still continued to shiver and shake.

Now, it's cold in my room. The air-conditioning in the room runs like a blast fan constantly so it is very hard to tell if I'm cold or just under the draft. However, I knew this was different and when the Dr's (a Registrar and medical student) came in I said I think I am going to get a temperature. Of course, at that point the readings were fine, and as they discussed that it was cold in the room, and maybe it was the airconditioning, I sort of gave up trying get them to listen to me. This one Registrar just does not seem to listen to anything I am saying at all - it's like she has a checklist of what she needs to get through and to say, and that's it.

I had also mentioned a bit of a cough and running nose so they also decided to do a chest xray again. I have to say from that point forward everything is a blur. I know they came to collect me for the chest x-ray and I said I'd sit in the chair, but then said, nope - you can take me in the bed as I just couldn't move. If I moved I wanted to throw up.

I know I ran that first temperature for quite a long time and blood cultures were taken - from my PICC line and straight from a vein.

I was given Panadol via IV line and as it started to work, the sweats started. Anyhow, that continued all night, the next day and was still going this morning. I have 2 types of antibiotics being pumped into me, and yesterday it came back that there was an identification of an infection in my blood, but just not sure what type. This morning heard it was a Strep infection but they are still narrowing down further.

I know Thursday I got a bad of platelets and late Friday night got a bag of blood (at a point where temperature had dropped enough to allow them to start the transfusion). It was a bit of a surprise today to see Hb lower than yesterday even after the bag - so I have been given 2 bags today. Also getting Potassium pumped into me as apparently that has dropped. This all means I am back on IV fluids, but I am happy to say that the rate they have been putting it into me is much lower than week 1 and I seem to be able to cope with it.

I haven't been able to eat since Thursday morning and even today have just taken a few tentative bites to see what I can hold down. During the week of chemo nausea was a big part of it and I did a lot of dry retching, but nothing came up. Unfortunately in the last 2 days the contents of my stomach has been coming up (which is essentially nothing).

Diarrhea has also kicked in again, but not so bad that I have to rush to the bathroom - it's just when I'm in there it seems to come from nowhere... However, happy to take a tablet to help with that!

So for the last 2.5 days I have essentially done nothing at all except try and lay as still as possible in bed and keep warm/cool depending on what part of the cycle I'm in.

The last thing is the hair loss. There is hair everywhere - over my pillows, in my mouth, etc. Anth gave me a kiss on the forehead as he left today and got a mouthful! It is a bit thin on my left temple but apart from that, you can hardly notice any difference. So, given my hair is so think it might be a while before my scalp starts to peek through.

So that pretty much sums up the last 3 days!

Hopefully I will have some exciting news this week and be able to announce my neutrophils are on the way up - as that is the big test before I am allowed to go home.