DAY 1 - Diagnosis 2

So, phone call came in this morning. I had a 2nd bone marrow biopsy on Monday and was expecting to get some results next week, so a bit unprepared for the phone call. I knew there had been some changes in how I was feeling/responding to treatment so had an idea things were progressing. However, fully expected to be told that now it was time to move to the Bone Marrow transplant, giving me a few months to get ready and prepared before that battle.

However, the news was 'not good'. Was advised the myelodysplasia has now progressed to Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (AML) and I will need to be in hospital by Monday (presuming a bed is available) and I will be hospitalised for a month with an aggressive course of Chemo. The aim is to get me into remission and then start the bone marrow transplant process, but due to timing, may not happen until the start of next year.

It's true - you go into shock!

So much going through my head of what to get done in the next 4 days, and I have to go to the hospital on Friday, losing a day anyhow.

Tears - lots of them! My parents drop in, my husband (2 months) is on his way back from work and I need to get to the office - so much to try and get done.

Luckily my office is in my home, so after a shower and pulling myself together I head to the office but the girls in the office know something is wrong and I have to tell them.

They automatically step into the best support in the world and assure me they are here for me, and what can they do.

So - I spend the day essentially staring at the computer screen, trying to remember what I was doing 5 minutes earlier. Why did I open that window on the screen? I start writing things down of work I need to hand over but all I can see is red squiggly lines under all my typos.

I have a teleconference at 4.00pm which helps distract me, but as they talk about doing things in a month, future meetings etc, the tears well up again.

Then the kids arrive, and that's one of the hardest things I have to do is to talk to them about what is happening. By 8.30pm, I am emotionally exhausted and feel that gravity is 10 times stronger than normal.

I fall asleep at about 9.30pm - after talking with 2 clients and telling them. Both are absolutely supportive, and so kind, but I feel I have let them down. I never wanted to put anyone in this position and thought we had the bases covered, but 4 days notice was not in the plans. I suppose 4 days is better than being told to pack your bags and come in immediately!

I wake at about 2.30am and just lay in bed listening to hubby snore quietly next to me - some things just continue on as normal... I head out to the lounge, turn on the TV for some white noise behind me and snuggle up with the dogs.

The fight begins...